I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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