I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
