Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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