Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
