he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
