this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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