dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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