P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
