I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
As shirtless as possible
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
