I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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