Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Operation Purity has been aborted
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
