would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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