He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
