it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
