Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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