Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
