The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
