There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
