remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
