I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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