it wasn't lemon gatorade
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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