did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize