My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
