I am full of burrito and curiosity
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
