she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
