It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
