Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
