Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
