The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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