On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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