have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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