I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
