hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
