Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
