omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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