I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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