She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
