I love black thongs
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
