my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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