shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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