I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
