I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
