I'm so fucking centered right now
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
