I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
