I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
