This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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