Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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