ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
