so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
