So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
