Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
