you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
