Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
